~Segues

SEGUES

So I actually thought of more things to add to my "Things I Love" and "Things I so don't Love" lists (on my Pros and Cons post), but even though I really had fun doing them I'm kinda at the "already done that" stage.

I was reading my previous post, where I listed my DVD's and realized I had left off like 7 DVD's, so I had to update that post.

Right now I'm watching CSI: New York. The funny thing about that is that even though I like all the CSI's, whenever this new one comes on, I always find myself doing something else. I sit, eyes glued to the TV through LOST and Alias, but as soon as CSI: New York come on, I suddenly have to do the dishes or open up my lap top, or go take a long shower.

Strange I know. I think it's guilt over not watching my actual favorite CSI, which is Miami. I don't watch it anymore because of the new show Medium. I could watch both, but I just don't make the extra effort. I love my TV, but I'm incredibly lazy about it. Same thing happens on Fridays. Yes, I do realize how pathetic it is to admit that I'm home worrying about watching TV shows on a Friday night, but I've embraced both my geekdom and my patheticness.

On Fridays I used to watch Medical Investigations at 10:00 on NBC, but then Numb3rs started coming on then and I really like that show. God, how pathetic is this that I'm actually talking about this?

New subject? Okay, I finally opened up a bank account. Yes I am 32 years old and finally opened up my very own bank account. Now I'm completely addicted to signing in and checking up on my money. I seriously sign in just to watch it like 5 times a day. Some strange things have been happening there too. Too much to write about right now.

But all this strange behavior, mine, not the bank's, reminds me of a Sex and The City episode. It reminds me of the episode where Carrie and Aidan are moving in together and she and her girls are talking about their secret single behavior. The things they do that they'd be too embarrassed to do in front of a man. I realize I have quite a few of those. Well, not anything I'd really be embarrassed to do, but just things I've gotten used to doing from being perpetually single.

I believe being single is like a disease. Not that I actually want to get married or anything. I mean I'm not saying never. Never say NEVER, right? But I'm just past that point of really wanting to be married. But I don't actually want to be single. Isn't that funny how I started off talking about TV shows and segued my way into talking about single vs. marriage?

It's a very sad thing but at 32 years old, I think a big part of me has actually given up on finding "the right guy". Honestly, I don't think he exists, at least not when I'm awake. The odd thing is, I'm not the type of person who'd settle for less than what I believe I deserve, even if it means being alone forever, which I'm convinced is my fate. It makes me sad a lot of times, but for the most part I'm just trying to accept it.

People take too much stuff for granted, like love, being close to another human being. Being important to someone, being special to someone. So many people have it and don't appreciate it and it makes me sad. I watch these shows like New Detectives and Forensic Files where people murder people close to them for money.

It's a scary world out there and you never know who you can trust. But shouldn't there be a safe haven somewhere? Shouldn't people be able to walk among their own family, their own flesh and blood, the people they're connected to through either blood or by choice, shouldn't people be able to walk among them and have no doubt that they're safe? You shouldn't have to watch your back in your own home.

Murder is sad enough without having to worry about being killed off for a $250,000 life insurance policy by the person with whom you took vows to love and honor.

Okay, I think I've been watching Court TV a little too much. I have the TV on that channel when I fall asleep, and the things start to seep into my dreams. The other night I dreamed that my dad was trying to kill me. He was chasing me down the street, shooting at me. It was strange. I haven't seen my dad in over 2 years. I've talked to him, but haven't seen him.

Oh well, I feel a huge urge to check on my money once again, and I can't fight it any longer!