~Pathetic

PATHETIC

Wow... I guess my last post had really discouraged me huh? A whole month since my last post? I guess that's understandable considering the fact that my life has been completely boring this last month.

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I used to look forward to Thursday nights when we'd go up to Plush and man the cafe for my brother, but now even that's no longer. At least for the summer. The open mic night has been postponed... for how long, who knows.

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Remember when you were a kid, in school and summer actually had a real meaning behind it? No school and playing all day long. The funny thing is, now that seems pretty boring. It's a sad world when you have no friends... or at least friends who work all day long. God, I really need to get a life.

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The other night we were at Norm's and Michelle and I were talking and we were saying how much it sucks that we pretty much missed out on life... we completely missed out on our 20's, and now here we are in our early 30's, pretty much bored with life. She's looking forward to gettiing married and having kids, but me? I'm not even looking forward to that anymore. I definitely don't want kids and marriage isn't really something I have to have. It would just be nice to have someone special, you know?

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It's the special part that'll get you every time.

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Wow... am I really 32 years old? Remember back in the day when you'd say I'm 12 and a half? Now a days the half way mark only reminds you that you'll be another digit older. My birthday is in December, so when it hits July for me I always think to myself, oh man, I've hit the halfway mark. It's always July that lets me know, before I know it December will be here, and quick too. Much too quick for me.

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I really don't mind aging, that's not the thing that bothers me. I'm definitely not one of those women who'll be celebrating their 29th birthday for the next 10 years. I'll gladly turn 33, it's just the fact that I'm turning 33 and my life is basically the same as it was when I was 18. That's the thing that bothers me, except now I'm a tad bit more pathetic.

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When my mom always tells me that she's proud of her kids I think, what have I done to make you proud? There's nothing. I mean my brother has Plush Cafe and Design Lab, you know? He worked hard for the majority of his life and finally has his dream where he and his wife work hard. My sister has been married for 16 years and she has devoted her life to her husband and their 5 kids. Not everyone can be a great mother to 5 kids and a loving and supportive wife to a husband.

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Then there's me. What have I done? Let's see... I have a DVD collection of about 135 DVD's, a CD collection of about 600 CD's and my biggest goal right now is to conquer the Zelda: Majora's Mask game I just bought used from a gaming store for my 8 year old N64 gaming system. Even that I haven't played in a few days. My most prized possession is my notebook computer which in a very sad way I feel is an extension of me, which actually is very telling seeing as I'm ready for a new one even though I just got this one a few months ago.

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Oh well, believe me, there's much more to complain about, but... I won't.

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